A Cycle Practice For Opening To Receive Support
Partnering with your menstrual phase can help you expand your ability to let in support, so you have the energy to show up for what matters most and the remembrance that you’re part of a web of life.
When we move through life trying to do everything ourselves, we never have energy left to do the big or little things that are most important to us–whether that’s what brings us joy daily or ensuring future generations can live on our planet. Beyond being exhausting, it can also be very lonely and isolating.
There are a lot of historical and cultural reasons why asking for support from others can feel uncomfortable or even scary for women and menstruators.
One reason is that many women and marginalized groups have been socialized in what authors Emily and Amelia Nagoski call “Human Giver Syndrome”. Here’s their definition:
“The cultural pressure [as it applies to women] to be…pretty, happy, yet calm, generous, and attentive to the needs of others…Givers are not allowed to impose anything so inconvenient as their own needs, including their difficult emotions, including their stress, on anyone else.”
After a lifetime spent giving, it’s understandable if receiving help is not in your comfort zone right now, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be.
With your menstrual cycle as your guide, you can build your capacity to ask for and receive help. A worthy endeavor with benefits ranging from feeling a sense of greater belonging to finding the energy to share your gifts with the world.
For learning how to let ourselves be supported, we look to the phase of our menstrual cycle where we need care the most: the menstrual phase.
The menstrual phase–our bleed phase or “period”–is the time of our cycle when our bodies are hard at work shedding our uterine lining. Our energy levels and desire to connect with others tend to decrease, and we feel the pull to turn inward.
So it follows that our capacity to give to others can drop during this phase too.
Sure, you can keep trying to give at the same level as in your other phases, but you might notice feelings of anger, resentment, loneliness or even burnout bubbling up to the surface as a result. This is your body’s way of letting you know it's time to ease up on giving for a bit and open up to being supported.
And here’s a cycle practice for how to do just that.
Don’t have a menstrual cycle or predictable bleed? You can work with the New Moon, the menstrual phase’s lunar cycle counterpart for this practice.
Step #1: Use the time leading up to your period to schedule in support.
When you consider the week or so where you’ll be bleeding, what support would give you room to rest and move at a slower pace? What would help lighten your load that week?
Here are some ideas:
Ask a loved one for help, whether it’s reassigning household chores for the week or calling in a childcare favor from friends or parents.
Give yourself permission to outsource your care, such as hiring a cleaner, signing up for a yin yoga class, or ordering dinner instead of cooking one evening.
Say “no” or “not right now” to something, like shifting a project deadline or rescheduling social time with friends to a different week.
Once you’ve picked the support you’re going to ask for, move into action: ask the person, book the thing, and set the calendar reminder.
Step #2: Let your body know it’s safe to receive care when it’s time.
When your extra support arrives during your bleed, you might feel a little uncomfortable, anxious or find yourself having second thoughts. But before you say “nevermind” to your babysitter or “no thanks” to that yoga class, give your nervous system some love.
Our nervous systems can interpret things that are new or unfamiliar as unsafe. So taking the time to soothe your nervous system and let your body know that you’re safe can be essential to quieting any worries.
Here are a few ways to calm your system:
Prioritize your basic needs, like eating meals consistently, drinking water, and getting a full night’s sleep.
Move your body on a walk, a workout or even an impromptu dance party.
Spend time outside in nature. Put your bare feet in the grass for bonus benefits.
Lean into connection. Talk it through with a friend. Hug your people and animals–or try a practice of self-hugging.
Focus on the present. Write down a few things you’re grateful for today. Do something that brings you pleasure.
“You are not Atlas carrying the world on your shoulder. It is good to remember that the planet is carrying you.” –Vandana Shiva
This is also a great time to reconnect to your ‘Why’ with questions like: Why am I seeking out support? How will I be able to show up differently? What will it enable me to do? Consider how every body–including the planet–benefits from you being your most nourished self.
Step #3: Try it all again in your next cycle.
Unraveling from cultural conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. Remembering–much less acting as if–we are an inextricable part of a vast web of life takes time when we’ve been disconnected from that truth. The best part of partnering with your cycle is that no matter how this experiment went on the first try, you get a chance to try it again when the next cycle arrives.
Photo Credit: Tabitha Turner
Disclaimer: This article is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. None of the information provided should be construed as medical advice. If you have concerns related to your menstrual cycle, please consult a licensed health care provider.